You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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