Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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