Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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