so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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