he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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