That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
