Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
