Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
