the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
