Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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