guys are only as good as the porn they watch
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize