so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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