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Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
