Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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