I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
