You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
