I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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