I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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