Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
