I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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