You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
