Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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