I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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