And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
