I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
areolas are like halos for boobs.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
