OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
