wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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