Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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