nutella sex= disaster
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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