smell my finger.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
