I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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