I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
