Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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