Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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