I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
