guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
