dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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