well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
being pregnant is like rehab
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
