We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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