One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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