The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
