Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize