Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
