well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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