Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
