What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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