I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
