never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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