Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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