maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
