Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
