FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
