Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
