Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
