It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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