Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ttyl tear gas
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
