alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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