Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
