we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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