I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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