just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am one with the molecules
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
