real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
