is your mom at the bar?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
