My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
