dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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